''Is the juice worth the squeeze?''

Well – I am truly impressed with myself. 4th day in a row that I have written a blog post on something or the other. And I would say that the best thing I have experienced thus far has been the amazing response I've gotten from some friends and people who have read the blogs religiously on a daily basis. This response means a lot to me... It helps keep me motivated to keep doing what I'm doing.

Now, to start off today's topic: to those who don't know me all too well – I go to a drama school in Cape Town, and, stereotypically of a drama school – we have a bunch of random people (all dealing with their own insecurities, frustrations, issues and doubts in one room. The fantastic thing about our class is that we have managed to embrace that randomness and the sense of being different. And, if anything, that is what has brought us closer together – unpredictability.

Such a random person – who will not be named at this stage – in my class asked me the other day: why do some humans like pain so much? And a further discussion ensued as to why and how we allow ourself to go through some of these awful experiences again and again and again and again.
And my answer to her was: (comment if you don't agree) because pain is the only thing that reminds us that we are alive.

Now – some people (a good friend of mine in particular) seems to go back and back into a bad relationship knowing that it wasn't a good thing for them, but doing it anyway. Why?

Is it because they think that they might change him, this time? ''Maybe this time, I'll be lucky...''
Is it because we blame ourselves for the previous mishaps in the relationships? ''Actually, now when I think back, I was maybe overreacting a bit...''
Or is it because we need to have that someone close to us – so as not too feel alone? ''I'd rather be with someone – even though he sometimes hurts me – than to be alone.''

To be brutally honest – I am going to direct the next answer at this friend of mine – who I hope will be reading this: you like the pain.
And that's normal. It doesn't make you a freak.
I think what happens is that there is a sense of emotional detachment in your relationship – maybe you love him – I'm not refuting that – but, do you sometimes feel like there is something missing?
If you do, it's probably an emotional disconnection that happens in SOOOOOO many relationships – I'm talking about the type of connection that you share with a best friend or a sister. Do you have that with him? Probably not (being a guy, it's harder to feel, it's not the way we are conditioned, naturally). For a guy to feel anything takes a lot of work – has he ever told you ''I don't really know what I am feeling...'' or ''I can't explain to you you how I feel...''? These answers are probably the truth. Guys mature emotionally a lot later than girls and judging from his age – he probably is still very emotionally immature. And that's not his fault, necessarily, it's the way he was created.

But, the problem comes in when you expect him to be your emotional soulmate (which he cannot be at this stage.) So, because he cannot fulfil you emotionally (and perhaps physically, spiritually or intellectually) friction starts to happen in the relationship. Because neither of you are TRULY happy. You want something he can't give and he feels like you are expecting too much from him. (This is often why guys use the excuse '' I just need to find myself first''.)
Then you break up (for whatever reason) and suddenly, you start to feel something. Pain. Emotion. And this is essentially what you have wanted all along. To feel some sort of emotion about him. To feel alive about him.

So, then when, 2 weeks later, he wants to reconcile – subconsciously you are reminded of the intensity of what you felt he did to you. And it's this emotional intensity that is what draws you back.
Because, you know, in your deepest heart, that he will hurt you again – but you don't care – because, secretly: that's okay.
Some emotion is better than none at all, right?
So you go back into the cycle of that unfulfilled relationship – because you have now become addicted to the intensity of the emotion felt – and now you want more. So because the stakes are higher this time – the pain will be more – the emotion will be more intense.

And this I think, is why so many people date someone and then break-up again, then date him again, then break it up again.
Eventually, these couples find an equilibrium – when the guy matures emotionally and knows what he wants and they go on to have great lives together.

But, on the flip-side, I know some 30 year olds who are still maturing emotionally – is he worth the wait?
''Is the juice worth the squeeze?''

So - - - my advice to you is this: think about him, your relationship, your ups and downs – did you secretly crave the pain?

If your answer is: no, then I am obviously mistaken – and then I don't know what exactly to say to you.
But if your answer is: yes, then you need to decide if you are taking him back every time because you like pain (then you're a closet-sadist). Or is it deeper than that: is it just that the pain is ''an emotion'' and that is something that you need?
In the case of the latter: maybe find someone who satisfies you emotionally – so that you don't need the pain in order to feel alive – and then, invariably, you'll find that this other someone makes you feel whole without hurting you.

I acknowledge the fact that I am a guy and that what I have just written here might be the biggest load of bollocks, but this is what I think.
And essentially that is what a blog is all about, isn't it?
Writing down exactly what I think.

Friend, you know who you are, hope this helps... Let me know x x x

I leave you with my final quote: ''Some people like pain because it makes them feel alive, I hate it – because it reminds me that I'm human...''